Sarah was despondent. “I don’t know what to do” she said. “Lucas is eight, but he behaves like a toddler. The harder I try to set boundaries, the more he refuses to do what I ask. We’ve tried the Naughty Step, Time Out, sticker charts, taking away his screen time… none of it helps.”
In my work as a clinical psychologist, I talk to many parents like Sarah, who are doing their very best and yet who are floundering. In trying to help improve their
they find themselves locked into intense battles over daily routines. They describe life as like walking on eggshells; their children exploding at the slightest request.
Meanwhile, children like Lucas spend their lives never getting the prize at the end of the sticker chart – and feeling increasingly bad about themselves as a result. At school, their names are frequently in the Red Zone of the traffic light system. The other children resent them because their behaviour means that the whole class misses their playtime. They are often called naughty, badly behaved or defiant. They may well be sent for assessments to try and work out what is ‘wrong’.
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