The moment we talk about changing children’s behaviour without considering the context of that behaviour, we are doomed to failure. We will put in place ever harsher consequences, and they will work less and less well.
Schools are full of opportunities to learn. They should be places of joy and discovery, and for some they are. They open the doors to new possibilities.
What happens when you see children's distressed behaviour as a sign that they need to be punished? Suspensions. Isolation. Detentions. More than ever before and for ever younger children. Read the Guardian article about it here
In May, I published a undergraduate primer on the Psychology of Mental Health with the Oxford University Press. I’ve been working on that (short) book for five years. In it, I try to introduce to undergrads some of the complexity of working in mental health, and particularly the way in which this has changed in the last twenty years.
Many adults tell me that they reached the end of their education with little idea of what interested them. They say things like ‘I studied science because my school encouraged it, even though my passion was writing’ or ‘I did history because I thought I’d get an A, even though it bored me’. They knew what they should be doing, what others thought they were best at, and what others valued most highly. They knew what would get them the best grades. They made their choices based on that – and years later, they regret those choices. They burn out or change life path in their 40’s and 50’s. They say they are finally getting back to making choices for themselves.
It’s sometimes said that children must just learn to ‘follow the rules’ It sounds reasonable, after all. We all have to follow rules to get by in life.
We are told to standardise our children. We compare and contrast, from the off. We buy books of expectations which tell us when they are meant to first smile (6 weeks) and roll (4 months). And when they don’t do it on time, we fret. We worry about what that might mean, and what we could do about it – can you compel a baby to smile? What if they are just feeling serious?
When I work with families, one of the things they are most worried about is this. ‘What if this never changes?’ This worry starts early.