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For some children and young people, the demands of every day life provoke extreme anxiety. Even things which other people find straightforward, or things that they really want to do. They want to avoid the anxiety, and so they resist and avoid the demands. This is demand avoidance. Demand avoidance is a behavioural trait, not a disorder.
This means that demand avoidant children often say No. They refuse to do things which everyone else is doing. Whatever you suggest, they want something different. Life with them can be really challenging. Whenever you say, you know that they won’t do it.
There are different reasons why young people might be demand avoidant. Some have a pathological demand avoidant (PDA) profile of autism. Some seem to be born like this, whilst others acquire it later in life after a period of chronic stress. For many, it changes as they grow up and are able to take more control of their lives. Many of these young people are extremely driven when it comes to doing things they find valuable.
Understanding demand avoidance can make all the difference. Parents can adjust the demands of everyday life to help their children flourish, and in the longer term, help them to learn to manage their anxiety so that they can live the life they want to live.
Does your child's behaviour confuse you? Does most of the parenting advice you are given make things worse? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells? In this course, Dr Naomi Fisher will explain the psychology of demand avoidance. What is it, how does it affect the nervous system - and importantly, what can parents do? You'll end with a clearer idea of what is going wrong and some ideas as to how to help.
What happens when demand avoidance meets adolescence? In this mini-course, Naomi will explain what’s going on in your adolescent’s brain, and how that interacts with demand avoidance. She’ll help you understand what is going on for your child, and give you some practical ideas as to how to help your young person (and yourself) get through these important years. This course is suitable for teenagers with and without a diagnosis.
This mini-course is for teenagers to watch themselves. It explains why sometimes, everything feels like pressure and the more others try to help you, the harder it is to do anything, even things you’d like to do. It helps teens think about how to build a life which works for them. It’s suitable for anyone who experiences demand avoidance, whether or not they have a diagnosis.
Demand avoidant children confound all of our expectations. You ask them to do something, and they react as if you’re shouting. You show them that you’re pleased with them, and they respond by saying they’ll never do that again. The harder you try, the more difficult things become. What’s going on, and how can therapists work effectively with demand avoidant children? In this engaging and illustrated mini-course you’ll gain an understanding of demand avoidance and what it is. You’ll learn some practical ways to engage these children. It is suitable for anyone working therapeutically with children and teenagers, including psychologists, child psychotherapists, occupational therapists, drama therapists, art therapists and speech and language therapists. It might also be of interest to school SENCos although it focuses on the one-to-one.
If you are a parent worrying whether self-directed education will work for your child, because you have been told that they have special needs which can only be met in the school system - think again. Neurodivergent children experience and interact with the world differently to many of their peers. Standard educational systems often fail to adapt to their unique strengths and ways of learning. School, and even the act of learning, can become a source of great anxiety and trauma. Self-directed education offers an alternative to traditional schools that can help neurodivergent children develop at their own pace and thrive.
Last week a parent was telling me about their highly anxious child who isn’t going to school. They had gone to see a counsellor, and after hours of coaxing and preparation they got to the room. The first question (after names and introductions)? ‘So how can we get you back to school?’.
(illustration by Eliza Fricker from my book A Different Way to Learn, published by JKP) I was talking to a grandmother last week about schooling. ‘I can see the difference’ she said. ‘When my children were young, primary school was relaxed. If the weather was good, they went outside and ran around. If they were sick, they stayed at home. Now with my grandchildren they are seated in desks for more of the day and if they are ill, they are worried that they’ll lose their 100% attendance for the term. The pressure is on to pass their phonics test when they are six and then to learn their times tables at speed by the time they are nine. They feel it and and their parents feel it too’. There’s lots of talk about SEND (special educational needs and disabilities) at the moment, and how increasing numbers of children are being identified as SEND. It’s less common to ask questions about what SEND really means, and whether the education system creates more children ‘with SEND’ as it becomes more pressured and rigid.